Another girl, another blog

November 19, 2009, 7:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The flashbacks are ever-present, especially these days. It’s the smallest thing that can bring them on–a song, hearing something on TV, the funny way the dog looks up at me when he’s being silly. The flashbacks always seem to be of the same time–the weekend before Aaron died and the day he died.

I’m so angry at myself when these flashbacks occur. Why can’t my memories be happier ones? Hawaii? The cruise? Our wedding? Something, ANYTHING other than what I keep getting?

In my support group, I’m comforted to know that I’m not the only one who has these flashbacks, but it seems like the other women are tending to have happier memories. I wonder if it’s because Aaron was so unhappy towards the end, and depressed throughout much of the last two and a half years. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been depressed most of the time over the last three years since everything happened. I don’t know–I just wish that the bad ones would ease up every once in awhile and give way to the happier ones.