Another girl, another blog


Balance
January 22, 2009, 9:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve sat here for the last few minutes struggling with where to start, because there is so much to catch up on. I’ve taken a lot of big steps for myself over the last few weeks–putting myself and my needs first, talking to Dr. Douche (aka my boss), setting boundaries at work and advocating for myself and my husband.

This past weekend I went to Big Bear Lake with my best friends for a much needed getaway. My friend LG has a timeshare up there and we all had the chance to get away for the long weekend. I took a vacation day on Friday and drove up with a few friends. The timeshare room was great–it had 2 bedrooms, a pull-down queen size murphy bed, a little kitchen and a balcony overlooking the snow covered mountains. Friday night was mellow, we stayed in, drank (a lot) and went to sleep (late).

Saturday was breakfast and sledding. My BFF and I tried to sled down a hill. We avoided a tree (narrowly) and tried to stop from flying off a ledge, with no success. The ledge was only 2 or 3 feet, but when we landed, we LANDED. Hard. My butt was sore for three days, but it was totally worth it because it was really fun. After that, we went back to the room, made lunch (I made turkey chimichungas, thank you WW!) and watched a movie. We ended up doing something else (I can’t remember) and spent a good hour or two in the hot tub, complete with cocktails and cigars (for the boys).

Sunday we ended up going night tubing, which was AWESOME. We did that for over two hours, and spent another night in the hot tub. I think by the end of the weekend I was part prune, part cocktail. 

Monday was the day to come home. We went to Alpine Village and walked around for a few hours. There was an old-school arcade which smelled like mold and was colder inside than it was outside, but was surprisingly fun with all of the old school games. The ride home was pretty mellow, I only got nauseated once on the way down because of being stuck in the dark on the side of the mountain. Ugh. It kind of creeps me out–it always has.

Tuesday I finally went and saw a psychiatrist. He was interesting, and empathetic. I got a mild anti-depressant (Celexa) and a sleeping aid (Trazadone). I took a Trazadone on Tuesday night and I felt it well into last night.

Today at work I finally told my boss about what is going on at home and with Aaron. I went in feeling very nervous and I was really surprised. He ended up being really empathetic and incredibly supportive. I am going to be taking one day a month to come in late and will start meeting with the hospice social worker. 

So there you go. I am finally trying to find balance in this crazy life of mine. Aaron is getting sicker, his morphine dose has increased to 10mg/hour, 5mg/bolus. His distention has gotten large again and it’s only a matter of time before he needs another paracentisis. He hasn’t been sleeping well and has been cranky and miserable. Luckily he is currently sleeping on the chair in the den and I have no plans on waking him up.

I do, however, need to take out the trash. And start the dishwasher. And set up coffee for the morning. And get some freaking sleep because I’m not feeling well. G’night!

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