Another girl, another blog

Cast of characters
December 16, 2008, 10:43 pm
Filed under: life | Tags: ,

There are some days where I don’t recognize myself and hubs. We feel like shells of our former selves. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the eyes staring back at me. The hallow eyes, thin stick figure I look at each day is not the husband I married. 

Weekends like this past one and nights like tonight make me wish this was easier/over/not happening to me. We went to buy our Christmas tree (we had to go twice) and each time we went, he was not feeling 100% and was being kind of a dick to me. And the worst part of all this? Each time I thought to myself, “Wow, this is how I’m going to remember your last Christmas.” Shitty, right? Yes, but its the truth. I keep flashing back to the year we lived in Mission Viejo and got our first Christmas tree together. The first Christmas we shared together where he got me rollerblades, even though everybody who knew me urged him to buy me jewelry. Picking out a tree, decorating a tree, lighting a tree, turning off the lights in the rest of the house to sit together and snuggle and just stare at the tree–THESE are the memories I want to hold close. THESE are the memories that I want to recall, not the stupid bickering and silence in the car. I don’t want to remember him straining to lift the tree, or me stringing lights with Scott while hubs sat around in pain. 

Ugh. I’m just waiting for this play called my life to move into a different act. Thats it, I suppose. I’m sorry this has been all humdrum lately. When I have something better to talk about, I promise I’ll put it out there.


1 Comment so far
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I have been thinking about you and praying for you. No words I have will make it better but you are in many thoughts and prayers every day. I wish for you to have great memories to hold on to from this Christmas.

Comment by Michelle(Tink)

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