Another girl, another blog

December 10, 2008, 11:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

The last 36 hours have been really, really difficult. Yesterday hubs made the decision that he was going to enroll in hospice and made an appointment for an enrollment nurse to come out to the house today, as I had the day off and could be here to provide not only answers to questions the nurse may have, but also for support.

When I got home from work yesterday, I felt like a giant bundle of emotions. I got home and could not hold my tears back. Hubs and I spent most of the night talking, crying, talking and crying some more. There were so many things we talked about–from being scared about the finality of the reality of the situation (*random aside: that would make a good emo song title, HA!), to the painful feelings of loss we have begun to experience. We talked about what we were scared of, what we would miss and all sorts of things in between. I went to bed last night with big puffy eyes, and woke up this morning with sore, tired eyes.

Today was my mental health appointment. My astute readers will notice I did not say my appointment with a “psychiatrist.” Yeah. I sat through an orientation that talked about the difference between psychiatry and psychology (a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can write prescriptions, a psychologist does the counseling), limits of confidentiality (which I know and go over with my clients on a daily basis), and the various types of services that they offer. After the orientation I did meet with a psychologist who completed an intake and assessment. I dropped some knowledge on him (as he said), and was very articulate in my answers, which impressed him. I still have to make an appointment to go and get an evaluation for medication, but afterwards, I can honestly tell you I felt a little lighter. 

I haven’t had much of an appetite over the last few weeks, and after leaving the orientation and initial appointment today, I realized something–I was starving. I got Panera bread (no it wasn’t healthy, and no I could care less about that fact) and came home. About 1:00, the hospice enrollment nurse showed.

Let me tell you internets, if you know of anybody who needs to enroll in hospice, I cannot recommend Vitas hospice highly enough. While the nurse was kind of annoying, she was competent, caring, and compassionate. Hubs has had a paracentisis scheduled for the last week to deal with the swelling in his belly. We were unsure if hospice would cover that procedure, so with a quick phone call, we were told that the paracentisis would be covered and that he can go ahead and keep the appointment. When we told her about his difficulty with showering (he can still bathe himself, he just has a lot of difficulty standing for longer periods of time because of the massive swelling in his belly), she ordered a shower chair and that was delivered TONIGHT. There will be a new set of medications delivered to our house on Friday. There will be an RN coming to our house sometime next week to do an assessment. There will be a social worker, a chaplain, and a home health aide all working as part of a multi-disciplinary team to take care of hubs during the next few months.

Again, I was struck at how strong he has been during this whole journey. He was choked up once, but other than that he was solid as a rock. He had his list of questions, was an advocate for himself and was able to use his sense of humor throughout the whole appointment. I myself was an advocate for my hubby, too.  When the nurse kept telling us that she wasn’t sure if the paracentisis would be covered on Friday, I asked her to call the team manager, which she did without hemming or hawing. 

I don’t really know what I’m feeling right now. I’m still reeling from today’s events. My eyes are STILL sore, and I didn’t even cry all that much today. I’m exhausted, I still have no motivation, and I’m still struggling to sleep through the night. I feel empty and stretched very thin. But despite all of these negative feelings, there is this ray of optimism that with the enrollment in hospice today, my husband will get the intensive, personal care that he needs right now. Our needs as a family will be met. And maybe, just maybe, we can spend the next six months together creating memories and just simply enjoying the time we have left together.


7 Comments so far
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I love you.


Comment by jessifer

I am sorry its come to this, dollface.

Comment by Jill

Jamie, you are in my thoughts and prayers.


Comment by Leslie Beach

We are sending love and Vibes!


Comment by Kelley Alunni

There are a lot of us who are keeping you in our thoughts and sending you hugs and strength vibes.
Take care of yourself and I am happy that you are finding support from your counselor.

Comment by Rapunzal52

You are an incredibly strong woman Jamie, we both wish we could take this pain away and make things easier for you, but you are amazing the way that you are dealing with all of this. This sounds funny, but we are very very proud of you and always here if you want or need our help.

Love Ya
Aunt Joanne and Uncle Mark

Comment by Aunt Joanne

Jamie & Aaron,

We just got the news last night from Uncle Buck. We will continue to keep all of you in prayer through this difficult time. We love you both very much.

Comment by Uncle Tim & Aunt Dee

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