Another girl, another blog


peaceful, easy feeling
June 17, 2008, 3:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

I told myself I was going to title this post with the song that was on the radio when I turned it on. Could it GET any better than this song by the Eagles?

So, yeah, sorry I’ve been MIA around here for the last few days. My weekend was incredibly stressful and yesterday I was so tired after work that I could barely keep my eyes open through dinner (of carne asada, but we’ll talk about that in a minute).

First on the accountability front, I lost another pound this week and when I weighed myself on Monday (after Jack in the Box, a Costco hot dog and pizza on Sunday), I was down to 166! Not fantastic, and still about 10-15 pounds above where I want to be, but the scale is going downwards and that’s all that matters. I’m eating better (except for Sunday), I’m getting all of my water in, I’m working towards getting in all of my daily F/V. My clothes fit better, but most importantly, I *feel* better.

Friday was a shitty day. After work I went over to my parents house with apartment listings and my mother, who was completely trashed, was crying on the couch, talking about how she “wanted to end it all” and “couldn’t go on anymore.” I had to perform a suicide assessment on my mother. That has to be one of the lowest points in our relationship ever. My dad walked me out to my car and was telling me how frustrated he was with my mom and how he wants to quit drinking too. I left the house feeling really frustrated and really sad that my parent’s alcoholism has gotten to the point where they can barely take care of themselves and some of their basic needs. My mom’s depression and anxiety have gotten way out of control and I’m not worried she’s going to actually kill herself (there is a fucked up sentence nobody should have to ever say about their mom), but I know that without help and medication, she’s not going to get any better.

Saturday was mellow. Saw Kung Fu Panda. Laughed at Jack Black. Ate popcorn in moderation without salt. Good times, noodle salad.

Sunday. Sunday sucked major ass. First off, found out that hubs’ grandpa had been taken to the hospital Saturday night for some sort of infection in his abdomen (I still don’t know all of the details). Then, we found out that the dad of some friend’s had been killed in a motorcycle accident Friday night. And that really sucks because our friend A just had his second baby about 2 months ago.

Then there was the really sucky part of Sunday. My sister E, two of my uncles and one of my aunts and I helped my parents unload their stuff out of the house and into storage. After Friday night, I talked to hubs and we decided to have my parents stay with us for a few weeks while they find a new place and get their shit together. It’s not ideal, the house feels so crowded (which, if you’ve been to my house, is a hard feeling to acheive), and I’m really sad that this is what it’s come to. To top it off, I have family members calling me and telling me how they’ll put “a boot up their ass” if they don’t straighten up and whatever. Their stuff is causing me more anxiety and frustration than my parents are at this point in the game. My parents are contributing towards rent, food, and can’t smoke in the house (they can outside) or drink. I suggested to my dad last night that they start going back to meetings and really working on their sobriety. I don’t really need my uncle calling my dad a “fucking drunk” and threatening stuff, you know? I really could use more GENTLE confrontation. But then again, I am the only social worker in the family, and one of the few with decent communication skills.

My parents have until the end of July to find a new place or else they are out and staying in a motel. I refuse to put up with this for a minute longer than I need to. My mom is showing the signs of alcohol-related/caused dementia and refuses to go to the doctor, or to therapy, to deal with any of her problems. Both of my parents have lost a lot of weight (and for my dad, that is a bad thing; he’s always eaten like a horse but had a wicked-fast metabolism. He’s 6’5″ and weighs MAYBE 150) and don’t eat, because they would rather have their Jack and water.

(sigh) I’m trying to be mindful of my own stress level and the minute things get tense and bad, there’s going to be serious problems. It’s really sad that at 28 I have to be the parent to my parents. This would feel different if they got sick I keep telling myself, but then I think about it–alcoholism is a disease. It’s just hard to deal with because it’s not like cancer or a stroke or something out of anybody’s control. This is something they could recover from, if they just wanted to. I think the humiliation of having to stay with us and especially of having a notice of eviction posted on their front door is starting to make them realize that they actually have to do something about this.

Time to work. Oh yeah, and I really like my job. Today is quiet, which is why you get this lovely, long-ass post. 🙂 After work is my support group. I hope gas isn’t $5 by the time I get home.

B: Granola bar, coffee (3 pts)

L: Turkey burger and fries (12 pts)

S: snap peas and hummus (2 pts)

D: Not sure yet

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1 Comment so far
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Oh honey, I’m just catching up on your blog. This is way more than you need right now. Way, way, way more. I’m in awe of you… but also, kinda sorta wish you weren’t taking this on, on top of everything you’ve got going already. Hugs, you are amazing.

~Jess

Comment by jessifer




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